It was all lust,

I want the love back.







to late...

I want to

feel like I'm your girlfriend.




how's it feel to want, right? eh

Mi Amor,

I love you so much. You make everything so .much better. We've lasted for about 2 months now, so I'm assuming you're going to stick around. You put the biggest smile on my face. You're the only one who can make my day brighter by me just looking at you. People say I'm to young to even find love, that i should just wait. I'm glad I'm young and have found what I have been looking for. Anthony Rey, you are the only person I want to hold, kiss, love.... wake up next to. You are my heart, my inspiration.
<3

im terrified,

of what you're becoming.
I don't know who you are now.
I don't know how i can love someone like this,
my hearts caving in.

I'm scared.
I don't know what to do anymore.

Mi Amor.


I'm at a loss of words.

I fell,

head over heels for him.



Anthony Rey <3
Officially February 13, 2009 =]

I am

perfectly happy.

things are looking up for me.

getting to attached...

again...

i need to cool off. Not want him so bad.

I'm just setting myself up for failure,

i always do this.

I hate competing, but thats why there are rules right?

Why would i do this to myself.

I'll never be good enough for him. I just need to realize this.

My heart will break soon....

is that even possible to break something thats already so damaged?

Either way he will find a way.

Just as my heart starts to heal, it shatters even heavier then before.

You're doing this to yourself Amanda.

Resist

calling him today.

wait for him.

if he wants it bad enough, he'll work for it.

Confusion

takes over her mind.



No where else to look but forward.



Her head is in a daze of confusion.

She puts up a front.

Does anyone see through her?


I honestly dont think it is just a front. She has become what she has been convincing herself that she is.


This is not a front anymore.

This is her.

well see

how this goes...

im supppperrr confused

on what i want...

ehhhh

i dont know what i want anymore....

things

will only get better now....

todays

the day.

split into two very different lives...

life one:
with an amazing guy who is going great places in life, has his shit together, treats me as if im the only girl in the world and the only thing that matters. im his princess. he makes me feel amazing. i can go party with him and have a good time, i get freedom.

life two: with an also amazing guy, he is confused about what he is doing with his life but he is still going places. we have so much history together. hes my best friend. i love being in his company. i love him. one thought of him makes me cry. but life with him is different. i do what he does and hang with his friends not my own. i dont get any freedom or get to do what i want to do. to many restrictions.

i dont know who to choose. my only problem with life one is that im afraid i can never fully give my heart away to him because it still belongs to life two. :\. im stuck in a messy situation.

Dazed & Confusedddd.

To much to soon.

what do i do?!

he's great but i don't want to be stuck in what i was before.

I just want to be free.

nothing to hold me back.

no laws.

just freedom.

Music

Sets me free.

it's never ganna change

We will always be in this rut. I hate my family life so much. I wanna do so much more with my life so my kids will never have to go through this.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

tears roll down my face,

I can not figure out why.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

What

is going on with my life. Where has it gone. When i say my life i mean him. We're drifting it feels.

I don't like this.